Pursuit of Happiness

I cried

Im actually so glad school is back. The holidays were so incredibly lonely for me. Things happened before the holidays that led to awkwardness during the holidays. A few of my friends went away and whenever I tried to organise something the ones that were here were too busy for me. Im pretty sure there were days I didnt speak, which is saying something. I tuned out, stayed in my head and went into zombie mode. Thats always fun. Things are always better during school. You dont have to organise to see someone, you see them in the breaks between classes or at lunch. Its brilliant.
I said all these things to my friend last night, and it was good to just say it.
Now, this friend is a major hard ass. At school, he pretends to be a tad bit dimmer then he really is and is sort of bordering on one dimensional, only having three main interests (if i say what they are, they'll give away his identity and he'll kick my butt if I did that).
Yet, and I know this will make him laugh, he is one of the most genuine and kind guys I know. He gives the best advice and threatens me if I tell anyone what a softy he is. I find that entertaining, as I know he wouldnt even dream of doing that shit.
So, to my friend, who will most likely read this, I get the whole not being a softy around everyone, and Im glad you trust me enough to let me see that, though I dont know if you really trust anyone. You know who you remind me of? Red Foreman from "That 70s Show"
Anyway, youre a top bloke, aye. I just wanted to say thanks for putting up with my shit.

So, on Thursday night while I was at work, a guy came up to me needing help finding a maternity skirt for his wife. He was so happy that he couldnt stop smiling. He said to me that he'd just come back from the ultrasound with his wife. He said he saw his little boy or girl's heart beat and that he couldnt wait to be a father. He told me he wasnt scared anymore. I then spoke to his wife, and the two couldnt stop smiling at each other. It was exactly like what young love is meant to be.

The second cute thing happened tonight. A woman, no more then 20 was at the bar serving this old bloke, and she was asking him about his son and he continued to tell her about his wife, and how they met on a boat after he came back from war, and she already knew the story. But she smiled, and laughed and looked a 100% interested. It just stuck with me.

Finish what I start.
I am notorious for starting things and never seeing them through. It is mostly to do with writing things. For example; Nameless. Nameless is a screen play I have been writing (with the help of two amazing people). Its about five teenagers who are pretty messed up and hanging by a thread. Things start to get better and then one dies and everything goes wrong. I was determined to finish it. Absolutely determined. For a while, it took over my life and I kept it a secret from the majority of my friends so they wouldnt think I was some suicidal nutter (sorry guys!). Unfortunately, the majority of the time with these things I get distracted. Or I change my mind about the direction I want it to go in. Or, put so perfectly, life takes over. The experiences you write about become reality and you get lost.
With Nameless, however, I have people who are determined to make me finish it though. But, unless they harass me, it will never happen.

I don't know if you'll understand what I'm taking about, but hopefully you do. You know in that moment where someone is so terrifying, that you're awestruck or they're so crazy that they're beautiful? I want to be the so crazy that I am beautiful. I guess that doesn't really make sense, right? 
Okay. So, we know fires are dangerous. I mean, they've burnt entire cities to the ground and left nothing but ash in it's wake but, watch the way the flames dance. Its entrancing. I'm not sure if that's the point the director is trying to put across here but, it proves my point.
I want someone to talk to me and just be speechless. Just for once, pause, and think "holy crap, this girl is...woah." Not for the beauty factor, but for once I want to be noticeable. 
I really hate hearing "Hey, I didnt really see you until someone pointed you out. I used to want to be plain, but now I want to burn

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”

 “I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”  

 “Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring.”