Pursuit of Happiness

In English, we're studying the poem "The Flea" by John Donne The poem is all about how Donne is trying to convince this girl to give him her virginity, with no strings attached. This made me realize that sex and love, and my opinions and views on them, are one of the few topics I had't touched on in this blog. 
 So, here goes.
I think that sex is special. Yeah, laugh it up but that's what I think. I think its an act of love between two people. I personally believe a sexual relationship should be between two people that love each other, and it doesn't what sexual orientation you are and whether you're married or not, as long as you're 16+ and are happy; GO FOR IT. Of course, make sure you're in the right mind set e.g. not on any kind of drug, even alcohol.
I personally have never met anyone I'd like to have a sexual relationship with at this point, but whatever happens happens, ya know?
Anyway, I know some people my age, and older, will see this and think I'm either being immature or living in a fairy tale about it, but I don't really care.
Yes, I'm lame. No, I don't really care

I used to love feeling out of my depth, especially when I talked to someone and they spoke with such sophistication and knowledge and I tried to keep up but it was almost impossible for me to do. Now, I hate it. Its all I feel. In my school work and with my friends. It's terrifying. At school, everyone gives such intelligent answers, or are so organised and on top of their study and assessments. Everyone is chugging along smoothly, and I'm broken down somewhere. They're all so darn intelligent and they don't even have to work for it, where as I have to work so hard to be of average intelligence. My friends have such mature issues and ways of thinking and TALENT. They're all so talented, and it makes me sad that I don't have that drive and creativity that they do. They have that knack for writing or always correctly arguing their point or that eye for photography and art or can play a musical instrument or kick butt in a sport so few can do, and then there is me. Silly old me.
Why cant I keep my head above water, at least for a little while

Stop caring what other people think. Its easy, right? Wrong. It is almost impossible not to consider what light people will see you in after you do something. You worry about how people like the way you dress, or whether they like you in general. Its such a pain, and what should it matter what people think about you, right? Well, I am not sure about you, but I like being liked (I'm not saying I'm well liked, just that I like when people like me). That makes it almost impossible to ignore it. Although, I have gotten better. I dont care what people think of ME personally, but what I look like.
One step at a time, I suppose 

A few of my friends and I are planning a Road Trip. A week after we finish the HSC, we're packing up and driving down to Melbourne, stopping where ever and whenever. Then, we shall head back in time for Christmas and Noi's 18th. We shall leave after and drive all the way up to the north of Queensland. 
It so exciting to plan. It's the absolute epitome of greatness and celebration

Sexism is something that really annoys me. Now, I wouldn't go so far to say that I am a feminist, because I have no clue of the extent of the definition and it would be wrong for me to label myself and not know the depth of it. Anyway, there are some people that just don't get that women have been fighting for years just to get equal voting rights. There are still equal pay and other things to follow, so it bugs me when men and women (yes, women to as they downgrade themselves to the point where women may as well go back to the time where there husbands spoke for them and made all their decisions without consultation) try and force sexist views back on women. 
It's infuriating.
In this day and age, you would think we have evolved, but obviously not. I walk around and float through life and hear comments like those stupid kitchen jokes that are down right degrading.
Just think, boys and girls, there are women (and men) who spent their entire life trying to get the opportunistic ways you were born into. Don't take them for granted.

Today, on the way home from the city, my friend and I were talking on the train about how people change their personality to suit their company. I’d like to tell you how we got on to that topic, but I really can’t remember. Anyway, we started saying how, around certain people, we change our personalities completely. We dumb down how we speak, or we speak really sophisticated. We act all flirty, or like a nun. We act sarcastic, or really sincere.

I was glad we had that conversation, as I was terrified I was one of the only people to do that, and that I was borderline multiple personality. The extremes I do it to terrifies me, sometimes I forget who I am. I didn’t realize though, but nearly everyone does it. And doesn’t that suck? Like, can’t we just be one person all the time? Why do we have to change the way we act depending on our social crowd? I mean, its ridiculous.

Anywho, my friend continued on to say the people he feels most comfortable around to be himself. I was sort of jealous. There is no person I feel completely at ease with. I mean, there are people that I can talk to and muck around with, but separately, not one person. That’s kind of depressing.